I had a session with my counselor this morning. I came out of it feeling quite a bit better about things. At our last session we broke new ground, finding that I may have mild-to-moderate depression. Since then I found out the meaning of “existential crisis” but haven’t had much time to think about things, taking care of a sick kid for two weeks. Kiddo still isn’t feeling well, but my session today provided some time to dig into my angst.
Anxiety and depression seem to be connected to spending too much time thinking about the future or the past. And being an INFP, a deep thinker, it’s pretty easy to become paralyzed by over-thinking things that have happened or might happen. All the “what ifs”. My counselor said I should try to live in the present more often…maintain a good balance of being here and now versus being in the past or future. We did some exercises…thought of times that I felt depressed…times I thought I would never get out of a bind. And then we discussed how it all worked out in the end. I got out of my bad relationship. I got out of financial distress. I got out of a bad apartment. Things are generally good now. We went on a vacation where everything went right. I have some extra money in the bank. I have a good job. I have good friends. Kiddo is becoming more stable, I hope. All of those good things, regardless of how they fit into the larger existential discussion, should be “anchors” for me to remember when I get sad.
So today I am feeling okay. It feels tenuous…one bad thing and I’ll probably be down in the dumps again. Kiddo has her art class tonight. That means I’ll have a nice quiet hour to myself. We’ll watch Supernatural after that. Hopefully her cough starts to improve soon. I mean, I’m sure that at some point it will improve. It can’t linger forever. She’s on allergy meds and nasal spray and cough syrup and all kinds of stuff. We’ll try a humidifier tonight as well. My crisis won’t last forever either. Eventually I will come out of it better off than I was before. I have reason to be optimistic.