I usually title my posts with the date they were written on, but this one has to be different. It has to be different because I DID IT.
I told P how I felt about her. I wasn’t sure what her answer would be…worst-case, she would ignore the message and never talk to me again. Best case, she would tell me she liked me too. What I got was in between, but it was exactly what I needed. She said that she appreciated the compliments and valued our friendship, but that she was trying to figure out some things and wasn’t ready to be more than friends. And she apologized. I told her she didn’t need to apologize, and that if she needed someone to listen I was always available. And I told her I was glad we could still be friends.
Now, I don’t know if she was just letting me down easy or if she really meant what she said. But I have to take her at her word. And that means that I didn’t screw things up. It means that no, she’s not going to date me, but it also means that now I don’t have to be so damn awkward around her. Because I spent so much time around her being awkward because I was hiding how I felt about her. I can be authentic now. We can be friends. That’s huge. I need friends, good friends, and lots of them.
So I’m glad that I told her. It took about two hours of talking to some 15 year-old girl on BlahTherapy.com to get the courage built up to do it, but I did it. I think I’m going to sleep well tonight. I feel like a huge burden is off of my shoulders. I did it.