10/2/2014 Part 2

It’s been a while since I wrote two posts in one day 🙂

I read the latest ZenPencils comic today and it really hit me. I am a dreamer. There are no two ways about that. I enjoy dreaming, sure. I spend a lot of time thinking about all of the great things that I’m going to do. But when are the times that I am really happy? When I’m really engaged and passionate and having the aesthetic experience? When I’m doing. When I’m acting on stage. When I’m running for office. When I’m teaching a class. When I’m making a website. I need to spend more time doing. I don’t want to be one of those people who spends so much time dreaming about all of the possibilities that I never actually do any of them. I think about the Pinterest board that I have – what of those things will I ever actually do? Which of my bucket list items will I actually achieve? Which of the products I like will I actually buy? I have no idea. But my history says that it will be few, if any.

I have done some awesome things. I have lost almost fifty pounds – not by dreaming about losing weight, but by actually doing it. And when I do it, I’m happy. I have gone out of my comfort zone and taken a vacation instead of just dreaming about it. I have asked out a girl I like instead of just dreaming about it (even though that hasn’t worked out quite as well as I hoped!).

What else am I not doing because I’m content to just dream about it?

I have a pile of work in front of me that needs to get done. Maybe I should just do it instead of dreaming about how good it will feel to get it done, or searching for productivity methods that will help me to organize my work instead of picking up the phone and getting a task completed! I worry about conflict. That is my stumbling block. I think about making this one phone call to schedule something with somebody, and I imagine the person on the other end of the phone being a complete monster and telling me how upset she is, and I hesitate from making that call when it probably won’t turn out so badly and even if it is awkward or uncomfortable for a moment, once it’s over I’ll be happy I did it!

At my last counseling session I told my therapist that even though I had so many good things happening in my life, so many successes and steps forward, I was still feeling down. Maybe this is why. Because I’ve been dreaming, but not doing. I think I can experiment on that.

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