8/4/2014

I can’t get comfortable.

I’m all moved into my new place…the old one is cleaned up, all my things are out, and I’m just waiting to hear back from my old landlord about when he wants my keys back and when I’ll get my deposit back. I’ve got some money in the bank and I’m getting used to the new normal.

But I just can’t get comfortable.

I feel like I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. I’m afraid of the next crisis. What’s it going to be? When is it going to hit? How can I prepare for it?

Since separating from my wife and moving out on my own I’ve certainly had fewer crises, but they’ve been much more traumatic because I’ve had to deal with them on my own. And I’ve survived, which is a good thing, but I’ve got this whole one-step-forward-two-steps-back thing going on which isn’t good. I save up some money, my car takes $1,000 to pass inspection. I save up some money and even spend some to go on a much-needed vacation, and my house gets smashed by a sunroom. Here I am, having survived that one…and I feel like the next crisis is sneaking up behind me.

If it hits me now, I’m screwed. I’m still recovering from the last one.

If it hits me after I’ve saved up enough money and I get wiped out again, I’m not getting ahead. I’m still just surviving.

That’s one thing I always got after the Ex for. I always felt like we were surviving, not thriving. I want to thrive.

Something’s got to give.

There are hopeful signs. I’ve been paying about $150 each week for kiddo’s summer camp ever since the end of June. She’s done five weeks there, so that’s $750 that I’ve spent in the last month and a half. When school starts I won’t have to spend that money. I should be getting my full security deposit back from my old landlord, that’s another $800 in the bank. And I’ve got some flex spending money coming to me as well, not sure how much but it should be at least $500. That’ll get my savings buffer built back up. Then I need to pay my dad back…he loaned me $1,000 last summer to get back on my feet and I’ve only paid back about $200 of it.

But when is that next crisis going to get me?

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