I went on a date with C last night.

We took a train into the city for dinner and a baseball game. It was really, really fun even though I was making mistakes all night.

It all started when I left work. I was going to run home and shower, shave, and clean the place up a little bit so I knew I was on a tight schedule. I hopped in my car and the damn thing wouldn’t start. I have this annoying box in my car that turns off the engine when my car payment doesn’t go through, and for whatever reason my payment went through but my car still got turned off. So I was stranded at work. And I couldn’t get a hold of the guys at the dealership who can fix it! So I was panicking, of course. I ended up calling my brother to get a ride home and a few minutes later someone at the dealership must have gotten my messages because my car magically started up. That, of course, put me way behind schedule.

I got home and took the trash out, but just a couple minutes later C pulled up so I didn’t have any time to fix myself up. She wasn’t immediately turned off by my apartment, and I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt so we could get out the door. We kissed before leaving – she said she wanted to “get it out of the way early”. A sign of things to come…

We drove to the train station and got there just in time to catch the 4:30 departure. For some reason my credit card didn’t work. Ugh. A guy at the station mumbled something about catching a shuttle, I thought he was just weird but later on we would find out what he was talking about.

We got on the train and she got close, and given my predisposition to being super sensitive about personal space, I was surprisingly okay with it. We rode on the train for 15 or 20 minutes and then saw other people who were obviously heading to the game getting off the train. Apparently there was some construction on the tracks, so we had to get off the train and onto a shuttle bus. Ugh! So annoying.

We got on the bus. We were driving for about five minutes when I had the sickening realization that I had left our game tickets in my car. I kept my mouth shut. I had my iPhone and the email confirmation, so I put all my hope into the thought that they would be able to print me up some new tickets or something. But seriously, I was panicking.

We ended up having to get off the shuttle bus and back on a different train to finish the ride to the stadium. There were no seats open on that train so we had to stand and hold onto the railings. She got close. It was nice, holding on to each other.

We finally pulled up to the stadium, way later than we thought we would be arriving. I told her about the tickets. I said I had it under control. I asked a guy at the stadium what I should do, and since I had the confirmation email with the barcodes in it he said they would probably just scan them off my phone. It worked. Thank God. That could have been a disaster, I am grateful for technology!

We got something to eat…something got in my eye and I spent five minutes crying it out. So embarrassing. What else could go wrong?

We got some drinks and headed to our seats. They were decent seats, I did a good job picking them out. She kissed me again. I liked it.

After the first two or three innings we got up to walk around. There was a wonderful breeze blowing through the stadium, so we found a little sitting area and chilled there for a while – most of the game, actually. She really wanted to kiss. I was okay with it. I think it had been a while since either of us had been that close to another person, and we were really hitting it off, and she looked really nice. And we talked. We have a lot in common, and she is incredibly easy to talk to. We opened up about a lot of things. It was refreshing.

By the 8th inning people were headed for the doors so we walked back over to the train station to get a ride back to my car. More kissing. Gah, she is a good kisser.

The ride back to my car took forever. More shuttle buses. More walking across train tracks. I didn’t like that so much, but there was – you guessed it – more kissing.

We drove back to my place. I let her come inside. We sat on the couch and made out for a while. It got pretty hot. It was late, so I walked her back to her car. More kissing. It was hard to let her leave.

On one hand, I had an awesome time. It felt good to get close to someone, not just some random person but someone who I feel comfortable with and can open up to and have something in common with. On the other hand, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of moving too fast. I’m afraid of the possibility of getting into a relationship. I’m afraid of things going from PG to PG-13 to R. I’m afraid of how *some* people might react to me dating someone – some already know, some won’t care, but some might not like it. Should I even care what some people think? I don’t know. And then I get to thinking, is this a case where I should feel the fear and do it anyway? Or, in this case, is my fear my mind’s way of protecting me from getting hurt? I don’t know.

I do want to see her again. Maybe that’s all that matters.


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