Jesus Fucking Christ.
So the Ex texted me this morning and said she was having a really rough day. I asked why, she said she just needed someone to talk to because she was feeling sad and depressed. She said it just hit her “like a truck” today. I think it was because I got so frustrated last night at ice skating, it showed. Well, I told her I thought it would be a really good idea to meet with her therapist again and talk through her feelings. So she did! She scheduled an appointment and met with her therapist. TODAY. Which is awesome. I am glad she did.
So she texts me and asks if I can talk this afternoon, and I could, so she called me. And she said that her therapist asked her to see some psychiatrists because they think she is bipolar. And I guess they discussed her situation, being separated and all, and her therapist said that I may not have vocalized my desire to be out of the marriage but my actions said it. Which is TOTALLY FUCKING TRUE. I feel horrible. I feel guilty for not coming to the realization sooner myself. I mean, I just had that realization TODAY. So of course the Ex asks me if we are done, and I’m thinking holy hell, I wasn’t going to bring this up until after this weekend when we have kiddo’s birthday party, but I knew I had to have some courage for a change so I told her what happened today and how I felt that yes, we should start the divorce process. And she got upset. She was mad at me for not telling her sooner. She became very blunt.
But OH MY GOD, why did it have to come up like that? Over the phone? While I’m at work. That was not cool. That is not how I wanted to tell her, but it just HAPPENED.
I’m afraid. I have that terrible numb feeling, I want to cry, I want to go home and hide under the covers tonight.