5/10/2014

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day.

It’s been a year of firsts. Tomorrow is another. Our first Mother’s Day apart. I was never good at celebrating holidays, and I accept responsibility for that. I think the first couple Mother’s Days I put more effort in…I tried to express my love and gratitude in the ways that I knew how, like making her breakfast in bed and whatnot. But when those efforts were turned away, I guess I kind of stopped trying. I just couldn’t figure out what she wanted, or I couldn’t give her what I knew she wanted. The last few years weren’t good. She’d get upset when I wouldn’t have anything for her, or it wouldn’t be what she was looking for, and then I’d get even more frustrated.

Anyway, I’m taking her to breakfast tomorrow – just the two of us – and then kiddo and I are taking her to dinner. I don’t know whether I should get her a card or anything, I guess I should but I don’t want her to misinterpret any gifts I might give her as being romantic in nature because they aren’t. I want to express my gratitude for her being the mother of my child, and for the effort she puts into that. I want her to get that. But every day that passes I feel more and more sure that our marriage needs to end and we need to move on with our lives apart. Still a team, because she will always be kiddo’s mom, but living under different roofs.

It makes Mother’s Day kind of difficult to get through.

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