5/6/2014

I have been thinking a lot about authentic friendships today. I spent some time at my last counseling session talking about it…how I would really like to have a few deep, genuine friendships. People I can be authentic with, that I can be myself around, and share my imperfections with. Not have to feel like hiding who I am. Not have to feel like I need to put on a “happy face” around them to be their friend. I also have a significant fear of being rejected if I put myself out there and try to develop friendships like that. I would like to. I haven’t put the effort in, though, and I need to. Tomorrow evening I’m meeting up with a theatre friend and I have to remember to be myself, and if she says “hey how’s it going” I need to be strong enough to say “well, it’s been pretty rough lately” and get into the troubles I am having. Be clear with her about my desire for authentic friendship. Put myself out there, lower the walls, open myself up and see what happens. Maybe I will be rejected. Maybe I will scare her and other people away by being so candid and authentic. If that is the case, it’s for the best; they wouldn’t be the kinds of people I want to be friends with anyway then. But if by some chance my authenticity and openness does lead to a connection deeper than what I have now…then that will be a good thing.

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