I’m a bit frustrated today.
I spent most of last week avoiding social media, especially Facebook. I very much relate to Marc Maron’s thoughts on the ways that we abuse ourselves with social media. From time to time I’ll find myself repetitively checking my feed to see if anyone has liked or commented on my posts and then make a conscious effort to disconnect.
To be honest I had an ulterior motive as well – I wanted to put some distance between myself and things that would make me think of girl #1. After our last “date”, I wanted the ball to be in her court. I had been the one pursuing, I had been the one making conversation, I had been the one doing the asking. And I didn’t know if there was anything there, so I figured that I’d just stop for a bit, stop thinking about her, stop worrying about it all, and see what happened.
So I did. Rather successfully, I might add.
Then yesterday, as I’m sitting in a parking lot waiting for kiddo’s grandmother to drop her off after taking her to an Easter party, I got a text message. Girl #1 invited me and several other friends to go out for drinks tonight. It’s her birthday. Around 8:30 p.m. at a bar down town.
I’m frustrated because on one hand, I would very much like to go get drinks and spend some time with my friends – and girl #1 in particular. But on the other hand I would have to scramble to find a babysitter, feel bad about leaving kiddo with someone to go have drinks on a school night when I should be spending time with kiddo, should be doing homework, should be doing other things. And part of me wants to use those excuses and not go. Part of me wants to keep the ball in girl #1’s court, really make her work for it and not just drop everything I’m doing to go have drinks with her on her birthday.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
What I do know is that I want to stay off of Facebook. I’d like to just shut my account down but how do people survive without Facebook? It’s how I find out about birthdays. It’s how I stay in touch with friends. It’s how I find funny pictures of cats and dogs to laugh at while I’m killing time. It’s just so convenient to have with me all the time, yet it’s also the most massive time-suck and becomes a crutch, a means for me to get acknowledgement that I exist.