2/1/2014

Today was the Goundhog Day party. We arrived around 6:30…were the first people there. I just drank and talked, kiddo played with her friends, it was very nice. Girl #1 was at some other event so she didn’t arrive until 8:30 or 9. As soon as I see her…as soon as I make eye contact with her…I forget everything I was going to say. My mind goes completely blank and anything that does come to mind seems so ridiculous, I’m embarrassed to say anything at all. She asked me what was new…I had nothing. Literally nothing. I got a little bit of back and forth with her but nothing of any substance. I think the main problem is that I just want to grab her and look her right in the eyes and say “I really, really like you”. Just to get it off my chest. But, being an INFP, my personality makes it very difficult for me to be assertive that way. I am so afraid of rejection.

Speaking of personalities, kiddo and I watched Frozen today. And, of course, I couldn’t help but look for ways that the film was a metaphor for my life. I think that the main characters exhibited the positive and negative traits of introverts and extroverts; one of them was too outgoing and trusting, and it led her to fall for someone who had evil plans. One of them was too fearful and isolated, and it led her to build up barriers between herself and other people. And, of course, it was interesting to see how those characters had to learn tough lessons before realizing their true potential and the positive traits associated with their personalities. And it was also interesting to see how the extrovert, who initially fell for another extrovert, ended up with an introvert. I wonder if there is a girl like that for me out there somewhere. Then again, maybe I’m reading way too much into a Disney movie.

Where do I go from here? I don’t know. It would help to have a friend, a confidant, who I could share my feelings with and get advice from. Girl #1 and I have a common friend who set us up in the first place; I could ask her. But I’m afraid that if I bring it up it will just complicate things. There’s a part of me that says I should be patient, but waiting…just doesn’t feel right. I can wait forever and the perfect circumstance will probably never come around, and a missed opportunity will be all I have to show for it all.

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