Some administrative notes.
I have switched over to WordPress…all of my previous entries were typed out in Google Drive, which for some reason felt more private to me, but let’s be honest: there’s no privacy online. And WordPress offers a more streamlined and attractive way to keep a journal. I can make posts public if I so desire, but the vast majority of these will remain private. Hopefully, as I look back at previous posts, this will make it easier and more enjoyable.
Back to life…
Yesterday was awful. I had a terrible introvert attack. It went kind of like this:
I have dropped girl #2 from my life. Things went too far too fast and she was cyber stalking me. I unfollowed her from Twitter and very quickly she divulged that she had some app that notified her when people unfollowed her, which is downright creepy. I blocked her on Twitter, then unfriended her on Facebook. I’ve got to be more careful about how close I let people get to me. I am glad that I will not be seeing her again. She could still text me, and if she does I’ll explain that I don’t think it was working out.
The Ex is also getting too close. I do not want to get back together with her. I am not sure if that will ever change, either. But for now I need her to keep some distance and let me have my space and time to think and be myself. I had a bit of a freak-out on her last night, so maybe she’ll get the hint. If not I will have to be more forceful.
I continue to experience frustration due to my feelings for girl #1. I don’t think about her as much anymore, but when I do I get the feeling that she was everything I wanted. And I blew it. Or at least, I made things super awkward for her, and I feel bad about that. I get the feeling that she wants to move slowly, and that’s smart, so I’m holding everything in in the hopes that by playing it cool and earning her trust back she’ll slowly open up to me. I hope it works. She is a great girl. I often feel like she wants nothing to do with me, but we’re friends on Facebook and things on there stay fairly normal between us, commenting on things and whatnot. Maybe once The Walking Dead kicks off again and we see each other again I can very slowly and carefully try to reboot things.
Today is another snow day, so I plan on spending a lot of time online and watching TV. And doing push-ups and sit-ups. I have to keep myself in shape, I really let things slide recently and I need to stay under 190 for a good while to make sure I don’t creep back up. Financially, I feel okay – I have $600 in my savings envelope and several hundred for spending between now and next Friday. My car payment is going to clear today or tomorrow, the insurance is paid, I made a payment on the electric bill…I just have to make sure that kiddo’s skating is paid for and that we have food on the table. And gas in the car. At some point very soon I need to pay our taxes.