12/28/2013

Yesterday was our tenth anniversary. Isn’t that crazy? It was something that, mentally, I have avoided confronting – the fact that we made it this far, but are on the verge of giving up. As more and more time goes by, I find myself thinking less and less about the reasons why we separated. But yesterday, a couple of times, I found myself remembering. The other day I was driving past the Golds Gym and I remembered then as well. She gets so bent out of shape about me spending time with other people, especially girl #1, but what about all those times that we worked out with Him at Golds Gym? Or all those times that the two of them went on their own? Certainly, I pushed her to do it. But I think that my rationale was that if it made her happy, it was a good thing. I will always push her, and other people, to do what makes them happy even if it’s not to be with me or cannot involve me. I should probably talk to a therapist about that…why do I do that? Why do I do that to myself? I don’t know. In any case, I remembered a lot of things and had a lot of feelings about why the Ex and I split in the first place. And in some way, that makes me feel better. More confident about the direction that I’m trying to get headed in.

Christmas has been interesting. The Ex stayed here on Christmas Eve and for most of Christmas Day. We had fun. But she bought me too many things, I really do feel that way. And I felt bad about not buying her more. But that’s just something we have to deal with, the new normal, where we eventually just get each other one thing and probably not something sentimental at that. Kiddo was happy, I think that’s the most important thing.

I am slowly, slowly getting past girl #1. I have made the mental decision to keep myself from reaching out to her so much, or trying to interact with her, or asking her out any more. If I do that, and she talks to me now and then, and we can keep things friendly, then maybe something more would happen down the road but I don’t want to look for that or push for that. I need to just be cool. I feel like I’ve been doing a good job with that.

Kiddo and I got bows and arrows. Very cool. We have had fun going up to the rand and learning to shoot. I think that will be a new hobby for us, and hopefully not one that costs a lot of money!

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