I am so exhausted.

Glancing briefly at my list of resolutions, I have addressed the first but failed to address the second and third. I have lost – depending on the day – between 10 and 15 pounds this year. That’s a good thing.

I have not, unfortunately, improved our financial situation or done much in the way of self-improvement. It’s not for a lack of effort; put simply, the effort was just not used to go in the right direction.

I spent three months working at the newspaper. My nights would end around 1 or 1:30 a.m. I’d be back up by 7:30 a.m. to go to the school district. Sure, I made more money, but without a goal it just got spent on the usual stuff. I had less time to spend with my family, and less time to spend on school. I’ve fallen behind in both of my courses and almost dropped one.

I did call up a life coach, and she did help me in some ways. I’ve struggled to keep after things, so I should probably pick that up again too now that I’m done at the newspaper.

Kiddo wants to be baptized. That’s another big decision we have to make. Can an eight year-old really covenant with God to follow the Commandments? I have my doubts, but I do think that she is genuine in her desire to be baptized like her peers. I guess I just have to trust that things will turn out. I don’t want to see her follow in my footsteps. I do wish that I had done some things differently…not all, but some.

My wife wants me to go with her friend to his home town this weekend, and frankly I don’t want to. I don’t want to go up there and get pressured into doing things I don’t want to do. I’d rather walk through museums, see art, do things that are peaceful and restful and relaxing. I need less stress in my life, not more.

In short, I just need to figure out what the hell I’m doing here.


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