Every day I wake up and wonder if today is going to be the day that we hit rock bottom. I feel like we won’t make any progress until we do hit rock bottom.
My good mood this morning was shaken when I discovered that we only have $55 in the bank. This after living rent-free for two solid months. Now we don’t even have enough money to move out of the house that we aren’t supposed to be in. And the sheriff stopped by yesterday, either to serve me with new paperwork or to execute the old paperwork.
But, surprisingly, I’m not in a bad mood. I feel a “burning indifference” right now because I know that as soon as we hit rock bottom, things are going to start getting better. I do wonder what my wife’s reaction will be – will she become resolved to improve her life, or will she wallow in misery? I hope for the former. I want to change. I want to improve my faith, health, and wealth. I want to be more godly…to be a strong and dedicated man…and I want to not be weary anymore. And tired. And I want to be secure financially so that we can support other people with our wealth and help them. I want to be charitable. Is that too much to ask?
The weather is very nice right now, so when my lunch break gets here I am going to go for a walk and just take it all in. And then I will eat a vegetarian burrito. And then, when work is over, I will go home and get the house ready for a showing and take the dogs out for another walk with kiddo.
And then tomorrow I will wake up again and wonder if we have hit rock bottom yet.